Seven Stars - Day 5 - Wednesday - Analog

 

Wednesday

Seven Stars
Analog

I can grab the fireworks, the soda, all the cookies we can eat
Make you nauseous but be cautious, this is not Dawson's Creek
We could sneak away, fuck it, you could bring an eighth
I'm not gon' smoke but I'm just asking baby сould you meet me by the lake?
Said bring a towel, well baby meet me by the lake
Bathing suit it's going down, shit just meet me by the lake
We could count the shooting stars, well could you meet me by the lake?
Summer never has to end with me

When I wake it’s with Wa-Pow! kick like motion that sends the covers flying off the bed, I barrel roll off the mattress to land standing in attack position, ready for the day, so keen, ready for battle, war.
I bow at my invisible sensei and proceed to get cleaned up for breakfast, on the way to the bathroom I fart out the first few bars to the Get Smart TV theme song as I make my way to the toilet.

Downstairs, I meet Lively for breakfast and we sit inside today choosing to sit at a small table for two that is secluded overlooking the buffet. We don’t say much, only pointing out that there’s no one else seated anywhere near us and I pause to wonder whether it could be because the two of us are both wearing PedoBear t-shirts.

By 9:30 the crew is assembled for deployment, Kym has decided not to join us today, electing to visit a post war Pewter factory across town.
In between his usual early morning cigarettes and coffee Joggy and Jeff have been talking to the concierge about organising some transport for us all to Sunway Lagoon. Joggy arranges it so that the hotel will drive us all out to Sunway for a fixed amount with the agreement that they will pick us all up once we’re done for the day, all we have to do is to call them with 30 minutes prior notice. This is excellent and the driver says that he’ll help us all get our park entrance passes once we get there, too easy.

We gather around the front of the hotel, Jeff makes sure that we’re all dressed in our PedoBear shirts and while it’s stupid crazy shit, nobody else besides people who troll the internet will get the joke.  When we bundle inside the van, we look like a PedoBear athletics team for overweight lovers, and we’re head off towards Sunway. Soon we get onto the freeway and suprisingly this morning’s traffic is not that difficult to manage, this is our only daylight opportunity to be able to take in all the sights of the outer suburbs, the urban sprawl, the differences between the rich and the poor.
Take for example, we see a Lexus dealership in all its magnificence positioned only a few doors down from a dingy looking scooter repair shop. And it’s this constant juxtaposition between the haves and have nots all the way to Sunway, mansions versus apartment blocks, jungle and concrete jungle.

When we get to Sunway it’s still early as the park won’t open for another half hour, we go inside the Sunway Lagoon shopping mall just as it’s opening and decide to wander about. I change over some bills for ringgits and we make our way towards the food court. I stop at Wendy’s eager to try out a breakfast burger except the kitchen isn’t in full swing. I follow Nathan over to the crooked colonel and look at the KL equivalent of a KFC breakfast menu. I order a chicken and egg burger, hash browns and Coke. I bite into the chicken and munch half way through and I notice that the meat is still a bit pink in the middle. I show this to Nathan, Jeff and Lively and they all say, “Oooh fuck that”, but something in my head says, “Do it like champion” and I proceed to scoff down the rest of the breakie burger. I put the rest of my breakfast in the bin and grab a soft pretzel while coming away from the food court. While walking back the way we came we decide that we’ll all buy our own towels for the day, the thought is that while the park will supply you with a towel you have no idea the condition of the towel so it’s probably a good idea if we bring our own. This was the whole basis of my China Town towel search.

We go inside a Manchester store and each buy the biggest towels they have. I buy this big ass black towel that goes around my gut easily. When we check the time it’s already close to the time when we had arranged to meet up with our driver. Our hotel driver has purchased for us a series of wrist watch shaped Sunway lagoon entry passes, they’re electronic so this allows you to swipe in and out of various attractions around the park. Back in my day we used to have a piece of coloured plastic, this new electronic method is much smarter. We’re all grateful for our drivers efforts and he reminds us all to call him 30 minutes prior to pick up and we all hurry off inside the park.

Inside the park the weather is hot and humid, to the point it’s steamy in places. We find our way to the big super slides and stop here to find some lockers. On the adventure map we find a set of lockers not too away from the park entrance but then we decide to walk to a more central point to a position where there are lockers should suit everyone if we wanna peel off and do something separately. We also discover that you can put cash on your wrist band  as it has an inbuilt RFID tag to tag on and off for various purchases around the park. This makes sense and I put a hundred ringgit down on my wrist pass. Nathan does the same. We find an empty locker and dump our wallets, shoes and things we won’t use right away. The first thing we want to check out is the quad bikes and also the paint ball circuit.

When we get to Extreme Adventure part of the park we discover that the wrist passes our driver has bought for us are only the most basic, which covers entry, the slides, pools, that once inside the park really offer us fuck all else. We go to see what we’re missing out on and notice that the quads are these pissy little kid bikes and there is no Extreme Adventure course for these, instead you have to play follow the leader as he guides you around in single file along paved footpaths around the park.
Jeff and Joggy go to check out what else you can get for these orange wrist bands and a park attendant basically laughs when Joggy tries to negotiate for entry into the paint ball arena. It’s like we can’t even change them over.

While walking around in the humidity I feel my stomach double over, I first felt it when we got to the lockers but now it’s making me really get sick to the point where I’m dizzy while walking. I tell Joggy that I have to stop and get water and find a toilet. While I do this he Jeff and Lively all go and fire off arrows at archery range that is permitted on our wrist passes.

I go inside a set of toilets and manage to take a shit and wash my ass with a bum gun. I try and puke but nothing comes up, not even bile. Though I start to feel a bit better and come outside and see Nathan waiting for me, he asks, “You should drink some water” and he ushers me over to a stand where I swipe my wrist pass for a bottle of water.

I’m careful not to over do it on the water and take liberal mouth fulls, this doesn’t help much I feel like I am getting worse by the minute and it shows. We catch up with the boys at the archery range and while there I manage to fire off three arrows and then I feel my stomach go sideways and I tell Nathe that I have to stop and walk back to the toilets. Inside the toilet I try and puke three more times and nothing happens, I wretch with this awful sound but nothing gives, I just feel completely wrong to the point where I’m panicked and I start wondering how the fuck am I going to get out of here.

I come out of the toilets and find Jeff, Lively, Joggy and Soly all hanging out by a drinks bar and Jeff tells me to take a shower and have a paddle around in the wading pool to try and bring my body temperature down. But as he says this he can see as I’m turning yellow and green and he says, “Man you really are sick, it’s that dodgy chicken”. Joggy says, “What are you gonna do Mr. B” and I tell him I’m gonna make it back to the front gates and get a taxi back to the hotel. And I have personal reservations as to whether or not I’ll actually make it back to the front gates. Naturally Joggy and the lads are disappointed when it seems that I’m going to have to bail out on todays adventure, this sucks balls as I’d looked forward to it all week, I feel cheated and also feel as though I’ve let down the crew. But the fellas all understand what’s gone down, it’s food poisoning most likely and besides nobody wants to be sick in an Asian country.

As i’m ready to shove off I turn to Nathe and say I’ll give you the key to the locker and the credit on my wrist band but he says, “Nah, fuck that” and proceeds to help me back to the lockers, unpack the gear from the locker into a bag and walk me back up the escalators, he helps me arm in arm up the hill towards the park gates which seem to be miles away. Nathe, is my champion and may I never forget his heroics for as long as I shall live, it’s the sort of memories old war veterans have for one another although the only war going on the battle inside my belly.

Nathe god bless his soul, he gets me the fuck outta there, gets me through the front gates, then gets the credit back off the wrist bands and goes and hollers a taxi to take us back to the hotel.
I try and tell him to stay and that I’ll be okay once the driver has the destination, but he is dismissive, he says something about getting sick overseas once himself and that he probably has a better idea that the other guys of what to do. He says reassuringly that he didn’t really care about missing out on the park and he says that instead he’ll catch up with Kym and do some shopping around town.
My heart goes out to him with a gentle “Awwww you” and he smiles and says, “You’d do the same for me mate” and he’s right, I absolutely would.

Nathan bundles me into a taxi, it’s a cheap shitty red one, he climbs into the front seat and I lay sprawled across the back seat with a towel over my head, I can feel every fucking bump and I sort of pass out there for a while, in and out of consciousness and the sickness really hits me. When I see the Marco Polo hotel and the golfing shop through the windows I know that the hotel isn’t far.

The rest is a blur as to how I got back to my room, I recall Nathan helping me out of the car and walking to the elevators. I recall him calling Kym on his mobile and that he surprises her with the news that he’s back. He gets me to my room and asks, “Can you take it from here” I smile bleakly and tell him, “Yeah” and he says that he’ll call later and check up on me.

As soon as the door to my room closes I go into full lock down mode, I close the blinds, go inside the bathroom and find a metal waste paper bin that will act as bucket, I down some tablets Lively has lent me called GastroStop and also down some Panadine forte and a couple of Valium, I turn on the TV and see that Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief is playing on TV. I slide into bed naked, I put a wet flannel over my face and pull the doona up around my neck and pass out.

*             *             *

 When I wake it’s just in time to make it to the toilet to puke and it’s an awful sickly feeling. I shower once but it’s too quick and after i’m in bed for another 30 minutes I have to roll right of bed again to puke and shit at the same time. Joy.
I take another shower only this is longer and I sit on the bottom of the shower with the shower rose pointed at my head. This feels good, the spray of the water drowns out all consciousness, I stay in the shower long enough until I feel as though I can make it back to bed. Once bedside I take a few more pills and manage to sleep through until the late afternoon.

*             *             *

I wake to a phone call, it’s coming from my mobile phone which sits on the bureau across the room.
As I walk to it I open the curtains and take in the amber glow of the afternoon light, I answer the phone on the fourth or fifth ring. I manage, “Hello?” and it’s Nathe true to his word wanting to see if I’m alright, I tell him I’m doing better and that I should be okay to meet up soon, he stresses at me to not over do it. He tells me he’s downstairs with the gang drinking cocktails and he wonders if I’ll be up for some drinks in the club lounge later on and I tell him we’ll see.

I sit in bed watching TV and thankfully Percy Jackson has finished playing. I see some shorts of this week’s The Walking Dead and I know that if I can stay focused I’ll be okay.
After an hour or so Jeff knocks on my door and comes in, he sits down on the edge of the bed and tells me what I already know, “Shouldn’t have ate that chicken dude”, and all I can do is nod my head soberly. From a plastic bag he offers me a big stuffed blue duck dressed in a sailors outfit, it’s the Sunway lagoon mascot. He smiles and says, “Lively and Joggy thought it might be appropriate”.

With the fading of the afternoon light Jeff says “Come on lets go upstairs” I change into my Nike straight legged trackpants and put on my New Balance kicks and Jeff guides me upstairs to the club lounge.  I bring along my tablet and while the others are drinking I begin, very slowly to play catch up on emails.

hey kel,

Sorry i haven't written back
Its been two weird and wonderful days

I almost didn't make it to breakfast Tuesday morning after the hell raising from Monday night
I woke at 3am and basically felt wrong
It took most of the morning but i made it to brekkie
I was unsure if it was an iced coffee or  something else, definitely not the beer, only had some with dinner out on Changkrat Road. Then later I had a few vodka tonic’s while listening to the hotel band.

Anyway, I made it to breakfast.

Tuesday we went to KLCC, I did some shopping of course
The Bali belly kinda eased off after lunch
That night we ended up eating a midnight dinner off the al a carte menu, I ate the club sandwich, yum.

So, I get up this morning and I’m fine
I eat brekkie, no drama.
Then we bus it out to Sunway Lagoon
But before we go into the park we grab a snack at KFC
Then 20 mins later the belly beast returns
I go white and attempt to chuck three times, failing each time
The park was a total rip off, they get you to buy this park credit and then you can't use it on any of the good stuff.

Anyway god bless Nathan as he got me the hell out of there
I was feverish, it was scary.
He got us a red taxi, back the hotel, and then I got straight into bed.

So, with that most of day has been wasted
I’m a little pissed off with my belly, but hey.

I’m gonna try and get out to SOGO tonite to at least check it out.
I’m in the club lounge right now and I’m gonna make a move

Love,

BB

As we’re finishing up in the club lounge I wonder where everyone else is, Jeff says that - Joggy and Soly are still resting in their rooms and Nathe and Kym are somewhere else, possibly shopping.
Jeff asks me if I have any interest in going to Times Square with him and Lively before dinner and for some reason I say, “Fuck it” I mean why not, half the day has been wasted and a visit to Times Square probably won’t hurt.

We take a taxi out to Times Square and immediately head towards the level where the model stores are located. We go inside two of them and Jeff says, “They’re not as good as they were last time” and he’s right they don’t seem as good. Jeff points out to Lively all the different Gundam kits he has, “I have that one, that one, that one” and so on. He has almost all of them.

We come down a few floors and we find a hip hop shop selling t-shirts at a cheap price and I try a few on and in the change room notice that it’s bombed with graffiti. I ask the owner if I can drop my tag in there with one of his markers and he says “Sure, go for it”.  I end up buying two XXL t-shirts and Lively asks around for DC’s to no avail.

Down another floor and we head into the Factory Outlet Store or F.O.S for short, I don’t see any Ralph Lauren t-shirts like we normally do but I see a whole display of Canterbury shorts and pants.
I see a lot of Lyle and Scott polo tops and from first glance you can tell that there’s something way wrong with these. The colours are super bad and the logo isn’t how it is normally, it’s so obviously fake it hurts. So we leave and begin our decent for the ground floor.

Jeff asks is there anything else I had wanted to look at and I tell him that i wouldn’t mind checking out Borders bookstore. We go into Borders and after a few minutes decide that it’s crap and I echo the words Jeff said earlier. “It’s not as good as it was last year”. I look at a few books that might be worthy candidates for the flight home, World War Z is tempting, then I um and ah over a graphic novel of – Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, but it’s a series and they are 90RM each and there’s 5 volumes and not all are available in the store, so I skip it.

At the Times Square taxi rank we go into the 7-11 and I buy a few energy drinks that I hope will restore the electrolytes. Jeff goes to the taxi cashiers stand and buys a prepaid ticket for the taxi ride home.

When we come back to the hotel and we’re running out of time for dinner, Jeff suggests that we eat dinner in the hotel’s international buffet, as we haven’t done that yet. Jeff says he can get a two for one, so this cements the deal. Once we get going I manage to eat about a side plate of food and I feel sick. I walk to the toilet, dry heave and then come back to Jeff and lively and tell them I’m going to have to go back to bed. I go to give Jeff some money and he says, “Don’t worry, I got ya”

Riding up to my room in the elevator I know that the guys will soldier on without me, the intent is to have a piss up in the sports bar, it’s Soly’s birthday and I feel ashamed I’m going to miss that.

I go to bed feeling absolutely fucked, but glad that I did try and eat something, my only saving grace is that The Walking Dead is on TV and as I lay there propped up by the pillows I have a little laugh to myself watching the dead shuffle on by, knowing we both have that feeling of death in common.

Seven Stars - Day 4 - Tuesday - 24 Hour Party People

 

Tuesday

Seven Stars
24 Hour Party People

Twenty four hour party people plastic face 'carn't' smile the white out
With the twenty four hour party people plastic face 'carn't' smile the white out

When I do wake up I assure you it’s by complete accident that it’s in the nick of time to make it downstairs for breakfast. I wake unsure how to deal with the new day so I switch to auto pilot following my usual routine, the hop step cripple stagger to the toilet played to the sound of a rusty Tuba, the Hansel and Grettle trail of breadcrumbs as pieces of clothing from the bed to the bathroom, where I proceed to squat thrust drop guts and reality hits the shit, “Oooh my head”.

I get myself clean and barely make it downstairs for breakfast, I go for the usual, the cooked English breakfast and while walking around the buffet table in a daze I manage to spot Joggy and Soly sitting outside. I go to them like lost child, “Mr. B?” asks Joggy, and it’s more of a question than pointing out one’s arrival for breakfast this morning. I just look at my food unsure what to do next. Joggy is positively beaming, “Good night was it?” he asks. All I can do is nod my head and rub my forehead.

I try my best to eat breakfast and then wash it down with juice and try some coffee to kick start my frontal lobe. But try as I might nothing going to budge the slight sting and the sideways in and out feeling of nausea. Lively joins us at some point and fills in Joggy and Soly the details of last night’s adventures into the backstreets. I share this morning’s newspaper with Lively and he encourages me to sip down some coffee which in the end is just too much for my wretched stomach.
I persevere with breakfast as long as I can and tell Joggy that I’ll be back downstairs by 10:30 and that I need to talk to the porcelain god.

I head upstairs to my room and try my best to heave, I feel forewarned that this effort is useless when all I can bring to bear is spittle and bile dotted in blood. And i’m sure to feel seedy as fuck all day.  So to combat the nausea I down two valium’s and then apply some Issey Miyake to disguise the sweat odour of toxins seeping from my pore.

I head downstairs and find that the entire crew has assembled, Joggy sends me a curious look sideways, I shoot him a look back that says reassuringly, “I’m fine”.
Jeff has joined us and he goes straight for the clinical diagnosis and suggests, “Maybe it was something we ate?” and as I get closer to both Jeff and Nathan I make my own summarization that it was perhaps the iced water used to prepare the shaved iced coffee drinks. But then Nathan discredits this theorem of mine and says, “Kym had the iced coffee too” and Kym is fine.
Joggy chimes in and affirms what we had discussed over breakie, “So KLCC is it today?” and I nod my head. I ask the gang, “Is that what everyone wants to do? Shopping at KLCC for this morning?” and it’s Jeff who asks, “And we stay there for lunch?” and everyone seems to be accepting of the plan.
As we get up from the couches Joggy ashes out his cigarette and says, “Lead the way Mr. B”

We walk out the front and the taxi rank manager whistles and does this hand jibe with a waving twist that signals two premier taxis to move up from the rank onto the hotel driveway.

And these are fairly decent premier taxis today, the first is a soccer mum mid range 4x4, while the other is a Camry. Jeff goes to make some quick remark linking my family roots to Indian stereotypes with the arrival of the Camry, but I cut in him off mid sentence warning, 'Don't you fucking dare!" and he can tell I’m in no mood.

Jeff, Joggy, Lively and Soly, rhyming like characters from a children’s book go off in the lead taxi while Nathe, Kym and I trail behind in the second taxi, the Camry.
I climb into the front as I intend to pay for the cab ride, once inside I curl up beside the window. I feel fucked and that's somehow unlikely to change until I can eat properly or likewise take a proper shit or puke, it's a trifecta of possibilities.

 It's not a long trip over to KLCC but the arrival on to the grounds of the PETRONAS twin towers is spectacular, we come in the designer gallery entrance, the first boutique I see is Louis Vuitton as we arrive through the main doors, a little further down I see can Alfred Dunhill, Cartier and Davidoff, a cigar store I want to visit. I point it out to Nathan and he hushes me while Kym is within earshot, as Kym is very much against smoking. Once Joggy and the rest of the crew arrive we drift towards the centre of the mall stopping at an information kiosk to sign up for a centre wide discount card. While there we all agree to meet back here in 2 hours and then we’ll find somewhere to go for lunch, but for now...it’s time to go shopping.

It’s like someone fired a starters gun, we all head off in different directions. I liken this shopping trip to a gameshow, you are one of seven lucky contestants, you have a fat roll of cashish and have just two hours to get all the stuff you want on your list, now contestants are you ready, get set, GO!!!

Meh...to hell with theatrics, I’m fat and running about to and fro isn’t going to cover as much ground as I’d like anyway so I decide to try and take in what I can. Jeff, Lively and Joggy head over to a Boost fruit juice bar and order drinks, while they do this I walk past Supergra staring in the window to see if there’s anything I like, I also check out a window display from LeSportsac and don’t get why this brand gets the attention it does in magazines. I look for Zara for Men but I can’t remember what level it’s on.  I go into Top man and leave after just a minute. Sure it’s this seasons fads, but these could be sold in any no frills store like Uniqlo or Zara. When I come out Jeff and Lively are close by and suggest we head upstairs. While Soly and Joggy head off in a different direction the three of us check out Converse. Here, Lively furnishes himself with some new kicks, he notes the price and once he’s paid when we do an honour lap of the store looking for t-shirts. While we do this Lively notices that they’ve already switched the price tag to a higher price than what Lively paid for his shoes. “Hahahaha can you believe this shit”, Lively is beside himself, he’s holding the shoe pointing it at me laughing, the two store attendants meanwhile can only look on and blush from embarrassment.

While Jeff’s not too keen on Converse he is interested in the Quicksilver store further down this level, we go inside and Lively asks about DC (DeConstructions) this is a well known skating shoe company that Jeff bought shoes from last year. The store attendant tells us that Quicksilver stopped stocking DC’s in November last year and then it clicks, that’s probably why Jeff got his pair so cheap last year. Lively looks around the store hunting for t-shirts hoping to find shorts. Meanwhile I make a longingly stare over at the Fred Perry store across the way but decide against going inside, nothing fit me there last year and I have some doubts as to whether anything will fit me there this year.

While on this level I go over to Nike and end up buying a pair of straight legged tracksuit pants in blaze blue and then the three of us head over to British India and while there we all buy shirts for the dinner we have planned for Thursday night. I buy a navy blue short sleeve shirt that is light to the touch, it’s expensive but it’s also easily the best shirt I’ve ever bought.

When we come to the elevator to go up a level we run into Joggy and Soly, while trying to cram into a lift we get split up by tourists pushing and shoving and the max weight of the lift forcing the doors to close then reopen. I get fed up with this and as I step out the lift doors close behind me and I lose sight of Lively, Joggy, Soly and Jeff. But then a wave of calm washes over me and I find myself saying “Ahhh, at last”, I’m on my own, time to do some shopping.

I walk around several floors window shopping, I go to Bally and look at a pair of classic Bally loafers that are worth a mere 1600 RM. The store attendant asks if I want to try these on and I know that if I do I’ll easily fork over the cash and buy these. I smile and while this is the shoe store of dreams I make sure I politely excuse myself. I go up another floor and decide to do a lap of the second floor shops, here I go into Lacoste to ask for basically anything besides standard polos in sizes 8 or 9. But as guessed they don’t have any polo’s beyond a size 8 and nothing else in the store is above a size 6. I’m remiss wishing that they had a Ralph Lauren store here, but they don’t. But then I recall they do have an Isetan here and I was pretty sure that at one time Isetan stocked Ralph Lauren.

On the way to Isetan I go into Marks and Spencer and basically walk in and out, the store reminds me of Target or K-Mart back home and it fails to make the proper intended impression on me.
When I get to Isetan I zoom up an escalator to their menswear and instead of finding Ralph Lauren Polo I instead find that fake ass Beverly Hills Polo Club brand that tries to do it’s very best at imitating Ralph Lauren Polo at every opportunity.  I come down the escalators the way I came in, I look at luggage but don’t see anything I like, I’m scanning the Samsonite cases but really holding out for something interesting like a case by Benetton or Mandarina Duck. I come downstairs stopping at the men’s aftershaves. I buy Carolina Herrera CH for Men. While on the same level I head next door into Parksons and while there I buy a twin pack of Byfords underwear and hunt around for socks, I manage to find a twin pack of Paul Frank socks in black and grey and then while looking at the digital display on my mobile phone I feel a strange sensation of time ebbing away, I suddenly feel a little like Cinderella trying to avoid midnight....no wait, that’s gay as fuck, let me start over.

Anyway, while looking at the time display on my mobile phone I realise that it’s almost time for lunch and soon I will have to meet up with the others back at the information stand. I come out of Parksons and decide to go to the ground floor and from there I’ll head over to Davidoff. I know that there’s still time and as I’m rushing downstairs I run into Jeff, Joggy and Lively coming out of Davidoff. Jeff’s like, “Oh man when you stepped out of the lift it started to go up to the next floor and when it got there the doors wouldn’t close coz it was so over loaded, but we left it stuck there for 10 minutes man, it was beautiful”. He’s practically crying in the retelling of the events, I should be pissed off at being separated from my crew but instead a warm smile comes over me because I recognise that young Jeff is happy, finally enjoying his holiday and this pleases me greatly. Since Jeff has had this cunning opportunity to act like a prick to the good people of Malaysia, this little stunt should hold him over till lunchtime and I know that after he’s had his feed he’s likely to be more subdued. Meanwhile, the business of cigar shopping continues, here at Davidoff, Lively has decided on a five pack of cigars in a large gauge. I manage to steal the attendant away as she’s barely finished ringing up Lively’s bill at the cash register and she escorts me back to the humidor. Inside the humidor I ask about the Tubos cigars I’ve seen advertised, I ask about the number 5’s or 6’s that are supposed to be equally good and I learn that the numbers are meant to reflect gauge sizing, diameter. Jeff decides that the G2000’s will be his cigar choice and I settle upon the Tubos 2000’s, a slight variant of the G2000 series. At the cash register I spy a small packet of Primero’s in a metal tin, I’ve seen these in the In-Flight shopping magazine on the plane, so very cheap to buy on the flight over and I decide that I must have a pack so I grab these as well. The store attendant is pleased to gift us with these key ring hole cutters for our cigars and we get one each.

As I’m coming out of Davidoff Joggy says, “It’s time” and we all head back to the escalators to head up to the second floor to the information booth. We walk past a Harrods chocolate store and I wonder where the main Harrods store is on this level.

We linger around waiting for Nathe and Kym. Across the way I see Soly standing in front of a boutique, and when she stands away from the sign I realise that it’s the Edwin Saw hair salon that the Trip Advisors have been talking about. Soly reminds me that I’d mentioned it once or twice in the lead up to our trip and that this is the place to get a style cut or a manicure. Together we go through various prices but decide that there isn’t enough time here today to really plan for anything. While this is disappointing Soly says not to worry and that we may be able to get a manicure and pedicure at Kenko’s later on in the week. I know it sounds girly but it’s something I’ve always wanted to try.

Once we head over to the KLCC food court we find the place is packed, it’s everyone’s lunch break, yet somehow we manage to find a table to fit all of us, we take it in turns watching our bags while we get up and go off to get food. And I’m relieved to discover I actually am hungry and when it’s my turn I get up and scan the food court, remembering what my sister has said about this place, “It’s all clean food”, nuff said. I head over to a curry bar and order a Nasi Lemak curry and pile on the sauces, I bring it back to the table and I sort of pick the eyes out of it, the chicken meat has bones it in and it’s like navigating a mine field. I say, “To hell with this” and shelve the food on an empty table nearby. I’ve managed to eat nearly a half a plate of food so far but since I’d skipped breakfast and was feeling seedy already it’s probably a good idea for me to try for something else. I’m walking around the food court, I’m looking for something to tide me over, but a drink to wash it all down with is high on the agenda too. I buy this watered down mango juice and two sips later I’m looking for something else. I should point out I would never ever waste food in this way but since it has cost us almost nothing in the exchange of dollars to ringgits, I figure that I should be able to enjoy whatever it is that I’m eating, after all it costs next to nothing so I can afford to be fussy. 

After a full lap of the food court I end up at a Japanese food bar with Lively, Lively decides to go for some elaborate Bento box of food, this is like a Whitman’s sampler box of Japanese cuisine. I’m not certain what I will get, but then the Tori Kage chicken looks pretty decent, it comes with Japanese mayo and a drink of your choice. I look at the A&W beverages they have on tap and then I see it, ‘oh my’, the purple stuff of dreams, they have A&W Grape drink.  I order a bowl of chicken and rice though my only real concern is the Grape drink.
Coming back to the table I notice Lively is balls deep into his Bento box, he’s absolutely loving it. I ask him how it is and he says, “Not bad, the raw salmon is nice”. I am so proud of Lively at this moment in time, this coming from a guy who only a few days ago admitted to us all that he hasn’t really had too much foreign food and here he is, at every opportunity, ready, eager to try something different.
Soly offers a few tips on adding the wasabi to his soy sauce to dunk his bits of salmon into and the look of discovery of the hotness of the wasabi is priceless.

When we’re done with our feast we all have the satisfied looks of victors, our shopping/Viking quest done and we’re ready to go. Jeff mentions he’s keen for the potty, Joggy too, only Joggy is remiss when Kym and Nathe suggest we all walk back through the parklands around the base of the Pertronas towers, I get the sense that Joggy would have liked to do more walking around than cabbing it to and fro. So here we leave Kym and Nathe and they walk back through the park so that Kym can take some photographs.

 I come back to the hotel with the lads and we hang out in our rooms before finally deciding to come back downstairs and have a few drinks. It’s still early in the afternoon and by the time Nathe comes back he asks would I be keen to take a run over to Low Yat Plaza. I leave Joggy, Lively and Jeff at drinks and then head out to Low Yat with Nathe.

We walk to get there which isn’t bad, along the way Nathe tells me more of the dynamic between him and Kym, it’s interesting to see how they’re such close friends and knowing the background makes me more sensitive and appreciative to it. I’m unsure where Kym is right now but once we arrive at Low Yat Plaza Nathan is revved up and keen to get some I.T. shopping done.

We venture into one of the large I.T. supermarkets we had been inside earlier in the week and Nathan asks me what I paid for my 32Gb micro SD for my phone, he’s doing the math and a quick conversion in his head. We look at a lot of portable laptop speakers, Nathe asks to test the sound quality on these and this goes on for about 15 minutes. We look at portable hard drives and decide that the cost on these drives is only a few dollars different in the exchange from store prices we’d pay for portable drives back home. In my search around two different I.T. supermarkets and dozens of single store kiosks I manage to find a Logitech G9x gaming mouse gathering dust, it’s hanging off a hook near some other gaming mice and given it’s shelf location in the store I’m not really surprised that it’s been overlooked. I go to buy it from the guy at the cash register and I ask him if he can get RAT 7’s or 9’s and he tells me to go upstairs to the other I.T. supermarket and that he’s seen them there, he stresses, “RAT 7’s only, no more 9’s”. And I’ve been after a RAT 7 ever since Lively and Minor acquired theirs, the whole clan knows how good and customisable that they are, it’s disappointing to know that the cordless RAT 9’s are all sold out but if I can get myself a RAT 7 I know that I’ll be happy nonetheless.  I hand the guy at the cash register the G9x and I tell him I’ll be back for it if I can’t find the RAT 7, I ask him what he thinks of the G9x for gaming and he sort of scoffs at it and says, “They’re kinda old now” and he’s right about that, but then...so are the RAT 7’s.

When Nathe and I head upstairs we separate so to cover more ground, I go to the isle where the peripherals are dangling off hooks, but I don’t see the RAT 7. Instead all I see is more domestic business orientated Logitech devices and more and more of the Razer gaming mice, keyboards and headphones. Razer seems to be all the rage here in KL, I’m told later that it’s the hottest peripheral maker in all of Asia. But I’m a Logitech guy and prior to seeing the RAT 7 up close, I would have snapped up that G9x faster than you can say Seven Stars.

After an intense scan of the isle I find some boxes on a low height shelf and on one of these is stencilled in lazer font RAT 7. My ePenis get a little excited and I mutter “Oh joy”, when I discover that it’s the real deal. I grab the box and make my way to cash register where I meet up with Nathe, he hasn’t returned with any swag but he reassures me that this shopping expedition hasn’t been in vain and that he’s done some good recon here this arvo and that he’ll hit up some more stores in Sungei Wang for the laptop speakers now that he has a ball park price point.

We walk back from Low Yat and when we come back we find that the gang is again poolside. Joggy hollers, “Get in here Mr. B” and I wave him off until I can race back to my room, change into some board shorts and dump the RAT 7 is the closet. 
I come back down from my room with Nathe and ask whether or not he’s seen Kym and he says that she is still out and that he’ll come for a swim in the meantime.

Nate and I come downstairs and grab the complimentary beach towels for a swim in the pool with Jeff, Joggy and Lively. Soly sits poolside under the pergola with a beverage all chilled out, very rancho relaxo. But before we've even had a mere 10 minutes to dunk our junk it starts to rain heavily which forces the pool attendant to round us up and then have us exit the pool area.

Grudgingly we climb out of the pool, throw on t-shirts and footwear. While we're about to head towards the elevator Joggy stops and says, "Hey do ya wanna have a spa instead?"
A hearty cheer from the lads is affirmation enough that this is the plan, we all march towards the
downstairs gym and hotel spa relaxation centre.
Nathan decides to take off upstairs as he’s expecting to meet Kym in their room but the rest of us, Joggy, Soly, Jeff and Lively head down the lobby escalator to the basement floor.

When we get down to the Gym and Relaxation level we’re greeting by an attendant sitting behind a desk. Here we are given more towels and pointed towards the spa and sauna. On our left is the Gym, Lively said that he checked it this morning before breakfast and we can see that it’s well stocked with some decent equipment. Going inside the relaxation therapy wing of the hotel we notice that it's divided for men and women. Disappointed a touch, Soly waves goodbye to us all as she is herded down the right hallway and we tromp down the left. When we get to the spa we notice that the use of the spa area is intended for use on alternating days for men and women, separately. And today is a day reserved for women patrons only. Fuck.

Joggy suggests we all go for a sauna instead. We head into the sauna area and dump our shoes and tees and other personal items into wooden lockers. Then we all quickly rinse off the pool water before we go into the sauna. It's one of those traditional pine wooden sauna's with the heating oven against the wall, and the smell fills my nostrils, it's pine, wooden and burning. I sit down on a bench and throw my small towel over my head and chill out. I stay quiet savouring each breath and letting the effect of the sauna do its job. It’s tuff work as the heat is so blaringly intense and each breath is like hot fire.

 Jeff and Lively are Chatty Cathy's, they keep talking the entire time we’re in the sauna while Joggy on the other hand says relatively nothing and keeps to himself. I suppose that he’s trying to find his groove to settle in for a good sweat session.
We’re all in the sauna no more than 10 minutes before Jeff and Lively have already bailed, which is fair enough. After all you really don't want to mess around being in a sauna, it's tough on the blood pressure and if you misjudge what your body can with stand you’re likely to pass out.
Another ten minutes go by after Jeff and Lively have left the sauna, it’s then that I look over at Joggy and say,"I'm gonna try out the steam room"

I come out of the sauna and Jeff is already in the middle of getting changed, he says,  "You had enough B?" and I’m like "Nah bro, I need to get into the steam for a while" And off I go, and true to form I’m in there in a while, a long bloody while.

Inside the steam room the air is heavy, thick, like you could taste it and you get a taste of boiled water, the steam vent comes from a hole in the floor about the size of a briefcase and I go over to it, standing in a Jesus Christ pose, I’m broiled by the gushing steam and its magic.
The room is in a standard U shaped configuration stepped out as three tiers in height, I sit down on a tiled step, removing the towel from around my waist and doubling it in half and drape it around my shoulders. I keep the smaller towel around my head, this helps me block out everything else and allows me to check my breathing, to watch the breath, breathing in and out, in and out. My lungs don’t feel the fire they did from the sauna instead they feel eased somewhat. I think I’ve always preferred to take a steam bath over a traditional sauna. I’m not sure why but a steam bath feels as though you’re being cleansed inside and out.
Joggy comes in and try’s it out for a minute or two but doesn’t really like it that much and leaves opting to go back to the sauna. But me, I really get into the steam bath, I’m in there for almost 15 minutes easy, I feel good, not woozy or anything, I don’t wanna delude myself into staying in here any longer than my body can take. And soon my better senses kick in and I get up and go.

When I come out I feel good, I wash my face with cold water from a basin and find Lively and Jeff dressed and ready to go. We grab Joggy and then empty the locker. I don’t bother to shower or change instead I throw a t-shirt on, slip on my Birkenstock sandals and we head out to the Gym attendants desk, dump the towels and ride up the escalators to the lobby elevators and return to our rooms.

Before separating we all agree to meet upstairs in the club lounge at 5:30pm, I go inside my room and flop down on the bed. My body is sore but in a good way and I realise that I’ve probably released some toxins in the sweat session so I get up and decide I should take a shower.

As I do this I notice for the first time a bouquet of flowers are carefully positioned on the beverages table. At closer inspection this is a mixture of red and pink roses in a decorative pattern covered by a light red veil of tissue paper. Carefully positioned in the mix of flowers is a card and it says, “For someone who stole my heart, from someone who lost his heart” and then, “Kiss my roses”.
I’m like, what the fuck? I run down the likely suspects, are these meant for me? Bad English perhaps, or is it one of the downstairs staff putting these in my room when they are actually meant for someone else”. I carefully replace the card and decide to shake it off and mentally file it away, promising myself, I’ll speak to housekeeping later on.

In the shower I run a razor across my face and shave away all of the accumulated three day growth.
I wash my hair with shampoo and conditioner and soap myself twice. I’m feeling as clean as I’m gonna be and when I come out of the shower I step to the window looking out onto the city, here I see the afternoon light make silhouettes out of the skyline, skyscrapers backlit by the setting sun, the last lingering light of the day shines so bright reflected off mirrored glass facades and catching on high tower windows making them appear like golden glass. I realise that sundowners must be soon, it cannot be far away. I grab my phone and check the time and realise that I’ve not got too much time left until the club lounge will open and soon the canapés and drinks will start flowing.

*             *             *

Arriving at the club lounge I’m greeted by familiar faces, the gang has assembled before me around a large round table and there is an empty chair waiting for me.
I plonk my tablet down on the table and run off to pour myself a vodka tonic which I’ve grown accustomed to. I turn on the tablet and thumb ON the blue tooth keyboard built into the protector cover I bought to safe guard my Samsung tablet, I click Gmail and scan for emails from home.

Bru,

 So jealous.
So your massage, was it a R&T? 
Could that be is why it was so brilliant?  J

 Hey, did you go to the ship?

 X

Kelly quotes from my first email from the first day here, I try and work out the meaning of R&T and then it dawns on me, I say to myself, “You naughty girl  – Rub and Tug!”
Then I click below this message and discover that there’s another, but written today in response to yesterdays (Monday’s) email.

Goodness me – did you write email drunk?

 How do you friends like KL?

Yeah, I love exploring grocery shops in KL – a big one is in the basement of BB Plaza or Sungei Wang
( I can’t remember which)

Has the hotel pool had a makeover yet? 
It was a bit crapola when we went.

X

With the baby home there is no time for 20 page emails, everything is short and sweet and right to the point. I take the time to look at the sequence of replies and realise that she’s playing catch up, So I decide that I should email her again to wrap up my day here today, but for some reason I don’t.

We all decide that tonite we will visit China Town and the look of dread that comes over Jeff’s face is priceless. I recall our last visit to China Town and I remember how fucked up a time Jeff had there.

We decide not to walk on the account that it’s still raining sporadically, so we cab it across town. Kuala Lumpur’s China Town may be the last vestige of fake counterfeit goods this close to Australia, that is besides Bali. All the effort that goes into this trade of goods, all this much trouble to come off looking as close to the real thing as possible makes me wonder why bother. I really don’t know why tourists like this sort of fake shit as much as they do, but tonite like any other night it’s everywhere. We stroll on in and immediately the crew starts to break up into pairs, Joggy and Soly, Lively and Jeff and I tag along with Nathe and Kym. I shout at Joggy meet up in the middle before 10pm near the walnut vendors and he nods his head.

We walk up towards the top of China Town and I pass by stands of fake shoes, Nike, Adidas, Timberland and Gucci clones, then stalls that sell pens by Mont Blanc, jewellery of every kind, Sunglasses by Christian Dior, Gucci and Ray Ban. Wrist watches by Omega, Rolex and even the Casio chunky G-Shocks have been copied. For most of these the copy itself is so bad you’d expect it to come alongside a happy meal as some defective piece of plastic crap. But for some the effort can be recognised.

Nathe is walking up and down the stalls looking for wallets, and the particular wallet he’s looking for must have a card holder, coin purse and must be a certain size and colour. And it’s painful to watch the vendors go into action for him. They ask me what I want and I ask to see any passport holders they may have, but all they seem to have are these LV ones that aren’t stitched together, they’re glued and the effort is so bad that I have to refuse.

While Nathan torments the leather goods owners for his idea of the perfect wallet I watch Kym looking at artwork on paper with a bamboo cane backing, I’ve seen these before as a child, its art on paper then with the cane you can roll it up and later hang it when you get home. I’ve seen calendars done this way and these were a regular trinket from various relatives’ trips overseas. The art that Kym negotiates for is a top quality and I watch as she works the deal in her for favour for not one piece but two and the price is always curving in her favour.

All the while we’ve been here in China Town the rain has been on and off, every once and a while I’ll stop by a stall and ask do they sell towels and the translation is so off that I might have well have been asking to buy a vowel. It’s crazy I even do my little dance showing them what a towel is and they have no idea what I mean. But later it turns into a win because asking for a towel becomes my get out of jail free card.

Catching up with Kym and Nathe we come off the side streets of China Town and continue to walk upwards, we pass by stalls selling many fake bags, bags by Burbery, Coach, LV bags galore, Prada and Gucci. I look at a LV overnight bag and can’t be sure of the quality of the stitching in this light so I pass, I see a courier bag with Supreme blazoned across it and I’m not sure Tyler the Creator would approve of the obvious fake. We go into these shop stalls that are anchored off the main strip and we go into one where we see this awesome multi monogrammed shirt by Burbery, this thing has more emblems, sigils and logos than anything I’ve ever seen in my life, it’s so fake that it passes as hipster cool and I know that I would have bought it if I could have found it in my size. I see other polo shirts by Ralph Lauren, Lacoste, Nike, Adidas and Fred Perry, and I’m sure that some of these would more than likely fit but I decide against buying any.

Nathan and Kym are getting ahead of one another in the final walk up to the top of China Town, Nathan stops and finds a stall that is selling laptop speakers. Nathe carefully works the deal towards his favour and he even calls Kym over to support him, but then somewhere in conversation Kym accidently reveals, “Oh are these the same ones we saw for 65RM at Sungei Wang the other day?”
I watch Nathan’s jaw clench and unclench and the young stall attendant now knows that she has the upper hand. Nathan says something to Kym in code that makes her recoil and she walks off in a huff, Nathan try’s to salvage the deal with a few quick words but knows that it’s botched. He says to me, “Did you see that shit?” he curses and I honestly can’t blame him at all for being kyboshed, but then I wonder that it was probably unintentional. I watch Nathan catch up to Kym and they have words and it’s awful, I feel like I’m watching my parents have a spat.

We round the top of China Town and then we bump into Joggy and Soly, I detach myself from Nathe and Kym and pal around with Joggy and Soly on this side of China Town. Joggy asks, “See anything good Mr. B?” and then I go off in a rant about Kym and Nathe’s hissy fit and tell him about the Burbery monogrammed short sleeve shirt. Then I tell him about the search for a towel, I say watch this, I go to stall selling sarongs and other body wraps certain that they would have some knowledge about a towel. But they don’t. The stall attendant points to a wafer thin LV body wrap scarf or something but when I touch it I know that it will be too thin to get dry off. This all feel’s like a scene out of the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, me without my towel and these alien folk have no idea what a towel is.

On the walk back to the centre of China Town we catch up with Jeff and Lively, Lively has been lucky enough to find some decent baseball caps and a pair of DC’s, the DC’s are fake but they look to be crafted okay, Lively says that he’s going to give these shoes to his cousin. Jeff has bought a pewter Petronas towers display, he says, “It’s for mum” and I smile as this is something that I should definitely do for my mum at some stage. Nathan meanwhile has continued to harass store owners with his idea of the perfect wallet and continues to come up short, when Nathan and Kym catch up with the group I see that he has acquired a white plastic bag with the contents being – laptop speakers. I’m like, “How the fuck?” and Nathan is positively beaming and says, “Kym helped” he goes on to say that Kym helped him in his routine and he ended up getting them slightly cheaper than he would have if he’s had bought them from Low Yat or Sungei Wang Plaza.

When we go to leave China Town most of the stalls are packing up and closing, we look for a taxi and everytime we come by a red one they are off duty and are rude when we ask if they are in service. Some suggest prices that are outrageous and not worth the trouble. We walk on and cross the road over a footbridge, here today’s newspapers are blowing to and fro and there are one or two homeless people asleep up here.

While I can’t be 100% certain I’m pretty sure that Jeff and Lively hopped into a taxi as we were leaving China Town on the account that Jeff needed to go for a shit. I’m thinking that the rest of us got a blue cab because I have some vague recollection of Soly asking the taxi driver how to pronounce “Towel” in Malaysian. All I know for certain is that when we all get back to the hotel Jeff is there to greet us and he and Lively have been sitting downstairs drinking listening to the house band. And then it hits me, “I’d better go see the concierge” and the guys are all like, “Why what’s up?” and then I tell them the story of the flowers, telling them that have been put in my room by mistake, Lively and Joggy suggest that it might be one of the downstairs bar staff that sent it, Joggy says, “Maybe someone has a crush on you Mr. B”
 My heart goes a flutter and then I get my senses back and decide out loud, “No no i’d better check with the front desk” and as I’m about to walk off Jeff says. “Wait...we sent you the flowers”
My head explodes and instinctively I want to throttle Jeff, but everyone is laughing so all I can do is stand there and take it. The upside is that it’s still better than Jeff’s implied threat to us all prior to leaving Australia, that he is going to upper decker in one of our toilets. So considering that, this prank with the flowers, I got off lightly.

Everyone dumps their bags of China Town crap off in their rooms and when we reassemble downstairs Joggy has the idea that we should all eat something. It’s still raining on and off and I really can’t be arsed walking around in the drizzle to find a restaurant that may or may not be open at this time of night so early in the week. I ask Jeff about the late night dinner menu and he promptly goes up to our hostess Elis and asks her for a few menu’s. Then Joggy suggests that we sit outside under the beach umbrellas and I have planned ahead and brought my tin of Davidoff Primeros in case anyone wants to join me in an after dinner smoke.

Elis follows us outside ready to take our orders and to see if we want more drinks, Joggy begins to put two of the round tables and their umbrellas closer together and this actually causes somewhat of a stir with the late night staff. Joggy negotiates for the removal of an umbrella and for some help in shifting the two tables together. Eventually the staff get the idea and help out as much as they can but it’s still a trifle of bother over nothing and Joggy takes unpleasant note of just how difficult everything is made out to be when you request something that’s just a little bit different to normal.

Since my appetite is back I decide that I’m going to eat the club sandwich that Jeff has recommended but I also order a side of chips. Joggy and Solly go for various skewers of satay chicken and Lively orders a hamburger while Jeff orders a chicken bolognaise.  Nathan and Kym order later just as my chips are coming out, I make sure everyone shares these, there’s three dips in little ceramic pots, and the chips are flat thick oven baked and with gravy they are absolutely the best.
 Our mains come next and after just a few minutes of eating everyone is smiling and feeling nice and full. In between bites of my club sandwiches we talk about tomorrow and the excitement of going to Sunway Lagoon to ride the water slides.

After dinner we go back inside and sit in the club lounge, here we are greeted by the lead singer as her Australian friends. In between the band’s sets she comes over to chat with us and she asks us about our homeland and how we all know each other. We try to explain that we’re a part of an online videogame club and we’ve only met up in person maybe once or twice before. She can hardly believe it but she likes the fact that we’re actually interacting with the band, she says, “Most people are here for business they have a drink, they don’t smile, they don’t talk” and then she exclaims, “But you people” with her arms open wide, “are very nice and welcome”. This leaves us all smiling and blushing and before she leaves she asks me what song did I want to hear tonight as it’s the last set, I ask her if she’ll sing ‘Breakout’ by Swing-out Sister and she happily agrees.

Elis comes over for last orders and I order another vodka tonic, Nathe reminds me we have a bag of beer to drink before we week is out and I ask him if will he have a last drink with me, even while he should be upstairs, he reluctantly says yes, so I ask Elis to order another vodka tonic. Since Kym has gone to bed I’ve all but forgotten about the cigars I’ve been holding. Joggy says, “Don’t worry Mr. B, we’ll have them tomorrow night” and all I can think about is the water slides tomorrow, I’m giddy and excited like I haven’t been in a long while. And tonite is a night not unlike the last, everyone is happy, smiling, jokes are being told and the liquor is flowing. Soon the intro music to ‘Breakout’ begins and the lead singers says, “To my Australian friends” and we all cheer coo’s of “Woooh!” each of us grooving along to the beat, heads rocking back and forth.

Nathan, Joggy and even Jeff catch me out from time to time mouthing along with the words, they know, like I know, that this is the happiest any of us have felt in a long time and even though it’s a long way for us all to have come as what other people might consider as relatively strangers, we’re all here, the seven us, together as the best of friends, so good, so bright, so right. Seven Stars. 

Seven Stars - Day 3 - Monday - Breakout

 

Monday

Seven Stars
Breakout

Don't stop to ask
Now you've found a break to make at last
You've got to find a way
Say what you want to say 
Breakout

It’s late when I wake up, my eyes scanning around the room, the blackout curtains still drawn shut with just a slither of sunlight cutting through the narrow parting like the edge of a razorblade. Dramatic you say? and rightfully so, while it’s enough to wake me from my slumber I’m filled immediate dread at the realisation that I’ve probably missed Lively for breakfast....”Ah fuck it”
I roll over and fart and as snug as I might be there is the promise that I would  call Jeff before heading downstairs. I pick up the phone and call him on the room to room dialling, Jeff picks up on the second ring, “Yello?” thankfully he’s waited for this call. He asks, “You ready?” as he’s good to go, but i’m like, “Hells no, gimmie 20?” and defeated he says “Oh... Alright”, I hang up laughing to myself, “heh heh heh sucker”. 

We head downstairs and find James and Soly sitting outside under an umbrella table with Lively.  Lively’s got a mouth full of fake bacon and barfs out the words, “What happened?” and it’s not really a question that requires a response, though it should be pointed out that I’m rather piggish with my sleep, instead I shrug my shoulders and walk away to check out the breakfast goodies. I do a lap of the breakfast pontoon and end up with a traditional English cooked breakfast and juice. While I’ve been gone the waiter has come by with a pot of black coffee and Jeff has a cup poured for me, how considerate.

Over breakfast we talk about the day ahead of us and Joggy and Soly are keen to get some shopping done. Joggy ponders out loud, “I hope the shopping here is good”  I wonder why he’s said that but then he says, “because so far it’s pretty average” and he’s probably right as I’ve got nothing to compare it to, this is my second overseas holiday. Sure, I lived in Melbourne which is Australia’s fashion capital but the range of stores and brands that I’ve seen here is so much more lavish than anything I saw back in Melbourne, even when Daimaru was still around.
 Soly turns to ask me, ”You sore from yesterday?” and surprisingly I’m not. “So how’d you sleep?” she asks. I tell her, “Like a log” and she smiles.
It’s close to 10:30am now which is our standard meet up time and when we head over to the lounge bar which serves as our rendezvous point where we discover Nathe and Kym are lounging about ready for whatever. Joggy lites up a cigarette, eager to get his fix, while I go over plans with Nathan and Kym. Kym seems to be two moves ahead of us always, never too keen to go with the flow unless it is in sync with her itinerary.

We head out of the hotel and walk down the block to the corner doing an ATM stop at HSBC. By the time we hit the main intersection of Bukit Bintang this already feels like a repeat episode of yesterday. We agree to start at Sungei Wang and to take it from there and to meet back here at the coffee stand in 2 hours. The crew splits up into pairs, Joggy pairs up with his wife Soly, Nathe and Kym walk off together and Lively goes with Jeff. I head over to the money changer and even though I don’t need to change my Aussie dollars the exchange rate is so good that I’d be stupid not to. I convert a $1,000 AUD into ringgits and the wedge of bills is so thick I have to put a red rubber band around it. I toy with the fat stack dangling there in my deep pockets and I feel like mega-pimp loving the sensation of a fat roll of cashish knocking around next to my balls, I feel like I’m Captain of the town, the only thing missing is my pimp hat, cane and cape.

When I come away from the money exchange Joggy and Soly are headed off in another direction and Lively and Jeff are nowhere to be seen. Nathan comes back for me and follows me into New Balance where I’m in and out in less than a minute, there’s not a lot on offer here and it seems as though the stock hasn’t moved since last year. Meanwhile Nathe and Kym agree to meet back here in an hour and a half and Nathan is relived to be set free for the time being.

Nathan and I wander around some floors and we look at I.T. accessories, tool kits, portable hard drives and other odd bits that you need in order to do your work properly as a Desktop Support Officer, but it’s the kind of stuff that you seem to never have the time of day to go out and purchase for yourself. Across from the I.T. store I look at pulp Japanese graphic novels and when Nate is done with his I.T. odds and sods we head downstairs and walk into the main part of Sungei Wang. We wander up and down escalators, from the top I point out Deli France and another restaurant my sister has recommended for dumplings, but we don’t stop and instead press on..

We ride the escalators till we reach the basement level and we wander by a Levis store and it’s retarded cousin, a Lois store. I see the same guy who sorted me out for chinos last year and he calls out to me, but doesn’t recall who I am, he  nice enough to show me some short sleeve shirts and asks me if I want these and some jeans but I tell him No and that I’m on a mission for some shoes.

I head over to Clarks and they’ve got the long coveted Clarks Wallabees i’ve been chasing. It comes down to a choice of suede or leather, I waste no time, I already know what I want, mouthing the words “black leather baby!”  The store attendant doesn’t get my swagger and simply says “Ok” and fits me out in a pair of size 10’s. In between fittings I check out the leather brown Natalies but in the end decide against them on the account of the crepe sole that tucks up around the toes, it ruins the look. So I stick with the Wallabees as they’re a safe bet. Nathe meanwhile has headed a few stores down to an optometrist and he’s looking for a two for one deal on some new glasses. He shows me the two pairs he’s made up his mind on, one is a carbon fibre pair and this will require half a day to prepare. In the end he’s says “Fine, let’s do it” and the optometrist relaxes knowing he has a guaranteed sale.

We wander around outside of Parksons and I really want to go inside and check out the Men’s aftershave and the Pierre Cardin and Charles Jourdan polo’s but sadly there’s no time left.

When we head back to street level I’m amazed at the time and how two hours just disappeared like that. I run into Jeff who tells me that he and Lively have been across the street and have been looking at Lot 10 and Fahrenheit shopping malls. Lively points out that he now has a better idea of where everything is located, in short – he’s got his bearings. Jeff mentions that he skipped breakfast and this is a gentle nudge for us to consider when we all might eat.  I’m pretty much okay as i’m not that hungry, but then again I was the last one to eat this morning so I should probably consider what the group might want to do.  So we decide to have lunch and the obvious question of where to eat comes up, I suggest dumplings and or the Teppanyaki bar back inside Sungei Wang Plaza but then it occurs to me that we should probably check out the food court at Lot 10. Jeff says, “there’s no food court at Lot 10” but I reassure him, “there is”.

As we head down the street Nathe and Kym walk on ahead of us preferring to shop over stopping and eating. The rest of us head down a set of escalators into the underground level of Lot 10 and I’m amazed how this awesome food court remains hidden to the average punter, I mean, we totally missed it the first time. We do a lap of the food court and Soly shows James some interesting things on the menu, I’m interested too but since I’ve lead both Jeff and Lively down here and noting how almost 90% of the food down here is Asian I can already hear the grumblings coming on. Jeff’s expression says it all and rather than getting pissy at him I point out a Belgian bierhaus, his expression relaxes into curiosity and I take the first dip, I order a grilled chicken breast with mashed potato and cabbage, for my drink I order a Lowenbrau and sit down on one of the stools surrounding the store. This is encouragement for Jeff and Lively to do the same, they both order beef burgers with fries and Jeff goes over with Lively to the Isetan grocery store to buy drinks.

After lunch Jeff says it’s the best burger he’s ever had and that I should have one later on in the week, I’m just glad he’s happy.  I go into Isetan with Jeff and we buy up a fridge load of dry ginger ale to mix with the Canadian Club I’ve bought from the duty free. Afterwards we head upstairs and I go into Timberland and try on a polo top which is on sale but I don’t buy it on the account that it has too many horizontal stripes and this leaves me looking a little like Hamburgerler. When I come out of Timberland Joggy asks me to show him Birkenstock as he has decided against buying a pair of Crocs, I ask about the Crocs outlet at Sungei Wang and his response is whip fast, “It’s Shit”.
We go up one floor to Birkenstock and I show him their collection, I have a gander at a pair of Boston’s in anthracite, it’s a rough heather grey, but I decide that with two pairs of Birkenstocks in my cupboard at home is sufficient as I probably don’t require a third pair. I leave Joggy there at Birkenstock and afterwards Joggy and Soly head into a SaSa store while I go over to the main Isetan store looking for men’s wear. Lively and Jeff come along for the ride but I don’t see a lot here that interests me, I look at underwear for a good long while and manage to make a Muslim female store attendant slightly uncomfortable while browsing, alas I don’t find jocks or socks of my liking. I hover about looking at golf wear hoping to find a Mizuno jacket, while navigating my way around the store. I manage to avoid a fake Asian version of Ralph Lauren Polo called Beverly Hills Polo Club, it’s pretty tacky. While roaming the menswear I check out an in-store Lacoste kiosk, though unfortunately they only have a few colours, nothing that will be generous enough for my body form. I’m getting bored of Isetan now and decide to head downstairs towards the men’s cologne and after shaves. The normal favourites for me include anything by Carolina Herrera but after a whiff of her semi-new fragrance VIP for Men I liken it to Millions by Paco Raban and decide it is too overwhelming, too whoreish to be considered good.

I tend to go for the classic scents, in the early 90’s I wore a lot of YSL Jazz and Korus, Paco Raban, even Fendi for Men which incorporated a wonderful silage of sandalwood.  Progressively I added Ralph Lauren to the mix, starting with Safari and later Polo. Then I tried other popular scents of the day like CK One before discovering the original Carolina Herrera for Men as the ultimate pussy melter.

In recent years Carolina Herrera’s 212 for Men has also been a favourite and in the last 18 months I’ve fallen in love with Jean Paul Gaultier’s - Le Fleur du Male.  For this purchase I’m searching for another original scent to add to the collection, it’s a real classic that I’ve been wanting to buy for myself since the late 90’s, I decide to go for an Issey Mikaye gift set, Issey Miyake having remained one of my favourites from the 90’s sitting alongside Dolce & Gabbana Pour Homme, Christian Dior’s Fahrenheit and another fond smell memory found in ‘Egoiste’ Pour Homme by Chanel. This gift set comes with the classic Issey Miyake pour homme spray on (100ml) and a under arm deodorant stick and after one tester spray on my wrist I’m transported back in time to my early twenties, to the magical era of my youth. But when Jeff and Lively start teasing me about “Did you get your girly perfume?” I snap out of nostalgia knowing that it’s time to go.

We sit out in the middle of Lot 10 on some white leather sofa’s trying to get a free Wi-fi connection while waiting for Joggy and Soly to come back downstairs.
When they do we walk down the street and go into Fahrenheit 88, it’s here that Lively has been able to buy some t-shirts from Rip Curl and Jeff has managed to find some Oakley sunglasses that remind me of something rapper Kool Mo Dee wore back in the 80’s.  I think to go look at some Porsche Design sunglasses but I don’t, I have my doubts as to whether I can pull off this level of a twat convincingly.

After a short wander around the mall I find the New Balance store and it’s on like Donkey Kong. New Balance are my favourite sneakers of all time, fuck Nike, Adidas and Puma. I wore a lot of these growing up and since the whole retro thing came in over 15 years ago. That was about the same time that I went searching for footwear that was fresh and classic at the same time,  and somewhere along the way I found New Balance.
After ten minutes I’ve got it narrowed down to just two pairs and when I start asking to try these on I discover that they’re not available in my size. I’m pissed off beyond belief as I’d really wanted a new pair of New Balance classics for the year ahead. This means settling on something else or missing out entirely. But then the guy who’s been helping me try on sneakers comes back from some secret lair and shows me another colour styling of a pair of fresh kicks I was romancing on the wall of sneakers. “How about these Sir?” and he hands me a pair of the ‘Minimus’ MT10GY’s and they’re fresh as fuck. All black with neon yellow trim, they are so fucking ninja. I say, “Deal” and he bags them up while gesturing to the other pairs I’ve tried on, but I say No politely, as these are all that I want.

Joggy wanders into the store as I’m leaving. I’m now carrying two boxes of shoes, one in each hand. Jeff is helpful offering to carry the dry ginger ale. Joggy snickers, “Got some new kicks Mr. B?” and I’m so pleased with myself I say “Yes, yes I have”, gesturing to the Wallabees and the NB’s.

On the way out of Fahrenheit 88 we run into Nathan and Kym and it’s at this point where Jeff needs to go snap one off. I respect the fact that he wishes to use the comfort of his own porcelain and I won’t get in the way of that. Joggy and Soly decide to head back to the hotel as well. Kym says she’s going to walk it, but Jeff can’t wait, Lively says that he’ll hitch a ride if Jeff springs for a taxi and it’s all settled. I ask Nathan what he wants to do and he says he’ll come back to the Pavilion with me, he asks what else I want to look at and I tell him that I’ve spotted a Brooks Brothers store I wish to suss out.  Joggy comes over and says “Still not done eh?” and I tell him if I can find these pants i’m chasing I should be all good, he tells me, “this isn’t as good as I’d hoped it was going to be” on the basis that he had wanted to find a few choice items for his own wardrobe and so far has found nothing he likes.

At this point Kym has either gone off by herself or has hopped into the taxi with the others to head back to the hotel, this worries Nathe slightly as we walk over to the Pavilion. I try to be reassuring, ”She’ll be fine” but that’s not it, he says, “She needs to come back to Sungei Wang with me at 4:30pm to look at my frames” and then I get it, a lady’s opinion counts.

While I find Brooks Brothers Nathan runs over to Parksons to look at their belts and we agree to meet back here in 20mins. I head over to Brooks Brothers and ask about their classic chino pants.
The store attendant says she can go as high as a 46 inch but I’m certain that the 42’s will be fine.
I ask about t-shirts, polo’s and long sleeve shirts in XXL and she smiles and says No, but she counters with some thin micro light jumpers if I’m keen. But I politely pass on this offering.
I go into the change room and get into the chinos in the classic herringbone twill colour and once I’ve slipped these on it’s like you have landed in heaven, they’re like the Rolls Royce of chino’s. When the attendant buzzes by my fitting room she asks, “Fit okay?” I say, “Yes” and hand her the pair through a crack in the door. After changing back into my street clothes the store attendant try’s to hard sell me on another pair, “Just the one pair Sir?” like I’m committing a crime or something by buying just one pair. I roll my eyes and say, “Yes I only need the one pair”, plus the price for a pair of pants is fucking outrageous, there is no way to tell if these are actually Brooks Brothers, no flashy logo or emblem, but maybe that’s the trick to it all, at least - You will know. And that means a lot to me because on a deep and personal level my clothes are worn like armour, the clothes making the man, inspiring the confidence, and with a pre-planned dinner at the end of the week these should go together fine with whatever top I decide to wear with them.  

I meet up with Nathe and we decide to head back to the hotel, I come out of the Pavilion with all my shopping bags in tow, I’m walking up the street with bags swinging in both hands and taxi drivers and people are looking at me like I’m a glamour puss. “Fuck it”, I tell Nathan I’ll get a taxi and he says no problem. I settle on a Toyota RAV4 in blue, it’s a premium taxi and I have this hope that Mr Miyagi will be behind the wheel from last year, but he isn’t. But instead our driver is this cool as fuck guy who offers to drive us to the Islamic Arts Museum later on in the week, we take his card, he also offers us escorts if we are so inclined, and as tempting as it is to bust a nut inside a Malaysian national I can’t help but think of what my mother would do if she found out, so I shelve these thoughts on the basis that I just need to lose a little weight and learn to apply myself more socially.

When we make it back to the hotel and as I step out of the taxi I call Joggy, instead of him picking up the phone it’s Mrs Joggy – Soly who answers with a ever-so-cool “Sup!” she tells me that the crew is hanging out by the pool and drinking.
Nathan follows me outside and when we arrive a pool attendant hands us both oversized beach towels, he asks us did we want anything to drink and we tell him we’re not sure, so he hands us a set of menu’s and tell’s us we should call him over if we would like any refreshments or food.
When we get poolside we find the gang all stretched out by the pool on a series of sun lounges. Joggy’s Mrs is looking fit as fuck in a bikini while Joggy smokes cigarettes talking smack with Jeff and Lively. Joggy says, “Lads you made it, Mr B what did you get?” I tell him pants that will be suitable  for our dinner plans for later on in the week and his response is “Cool, cool”. Nathan excuses himself saying he wants to find Kym and then asks if I want him to drop off my bags in my hotel room and I say “yeah, awesome”. 

Soly suggests we move out of the sun over to a pergola area that is remote but closer to the pool on the far edge of the hotel. We pick up our stuff and cruise over. Joggy gets the attention of the waiter and he comes over to take our orders. I look at the cocktail menu and I’m fairly certain that I’ll order a dry Manhattan when Soly convinces me to try a Singapore Sling. I’ve never had one before so I order one just out of sheer curiosity.

After a while of chit chat and cigarettes, the Singapore Slings come out and it takes me breath away after the first mouthful, “this is one strong drink”, I say out loud. Then Soly says, “It’s way too strong, they haven’t made it right, they are meant to be strong but not like this”
Joggy sips at his sling and asks me, “Wanna take a dip”, I’m keen as but I realise that I’ve not brought my bathers. Joggy says, “Meh just go in your boxers” and normally this wouldn’t be an issue but I’m wearing my Byford boxer briefs. I show Joggy my underwear and he says, “Nah you’re fine” and Soly says, “Go for it, who cares”. I think to wear a t-shirt while in the pool and I mention this to the fellas and they’re all dismissive to the idea. Even Jeff is astoundingly positive, “Dude nobody cares, take your t-shirt off”. I’m still not 100% convinced but in the end I decide that I’m going to go for a swim anyway and I’ll swim in the shorts that I’m wearing.

Lively takes a little more convincing than I do, while Lively stirs the lemonade into his glass of bourbon and ice Joggy and Jeff tag team him to get him the courage to take his shirt off and come for a swim. He ask me, “Are you gonna swim?” I tell him, “fuck yeah, who cares what other people think, we’re all fat, plus I’m on holiday in a foreign country it’s not like I’m ever going to see these people again”, Lively says “fuck it” and slings his t-shirt off over his shoulders.

 I’m about to follow Jeff and Joggy into the pool when I spy this incredible leggy Russian blonde who looks absolutely gorgeous hanging out with two lads on the deep end of the pool, “Oh man” here’s me hoping that she is some kind of international roaming prostitute as I’d love the chance to spill some liquid silk onto her belly. But before I can even contemplate that I still need to get my t-shirt off and actually get into the pool, “Oh man” I mutter to myself. It’ll be embarrassing for me until I’m underwater at chin height but when I’m just about to get my gear off, the blonde, for some reason she hops out of the pool and spreads out on one of the sun lounges. The pool at this point is all but deserted and Joggy and Jeff holler out “come on you two”, I look at Lively and say, “Fuck it, let’s go”

I put down the Singapore sling and walk down the stairs at the far end of the pool easing myself into it. Cold pool water makes contact with my balls and I shriek cupping my arms around my tits until I’m waist deep. Eventually I dunk my head under and acclimatise to the water temperature, Joggy shouts, “Yeeaah!” at my effort. I start paddling around doing laps and later racing Joggy to see how far he can swim underwater while holding his breath. We make a game of diving for coins when suddenly a Japanese tourist comes along and is intent on getting his laps done right in the middle of our game. We paddle around until the late afternoon rains comes along, it rains on us in the pool and we don’t care, that is until there is thunder and lightning. The pool attendant tells us that for OH&S reasons we can’t be in the pool while there is thunder in the sky, which makes sense. I go over to the pergola where Soly has been sitting to towel off and to finish my drink. We do our best to get dry when the pool attendant tells us that we need to wrap things up as the weather doesn’t look as though it’s going to settle. So we pack up our gear and head upstairs to get changed and agree that once dressed we’ll meet upstairs in the club lounge.

After having a quick hot shower and putting my bathers out to dry I make a move upstairs to the club lounge, I bring along my Samsung Galaxy tablet and once I arrive I find Nathan and Kym sitting at a table with Lively. I fix myself a drink and check out this evening canapés that are on offer, so far it looks pretty decent, little chicken drumsticks in tandoori sauce. When I get back to the table Joggy and Soly have arrived, both are dressed up as tonite they’re meeting up with Joggy’s long lost penpal from his childhood, the plan is to go out to dinner and make a night of it, so this is the last we’ll see of them. Joggy points out my new Red polo top and he says, “Is that from last night?” and I smile to signal my affirmation that it is, though I feel like a Star Trek ensign on the account of how bright and shiny it is. I begin to bang out an email, in between bites and pulls on my glass of gin and tonic while the email to my sister comes tumbling out.

It's tuesday last week here :)
Just kidding.

Sunday was pretty cool
We went to look at everything first to get our bearings.
I didn't exactly get my shop on.
We all went to Sungei Wang Plaza and then walked over to Low Yat Plaza
At Low Yat I bought a 32gb mini SD card for my phone and looked at peripherals for my PC at home.
For lunch we all went to The Pavilion and went to Tony Rommas, that was cool
I inhaled a chicken buffalo burger and chips.

Then we went for a massage and afterwards I could barely write to you both to check-in to say “hey I made it” The masseuse worked me over good, I’m definitely having another rub tomorrow
After the massage we walked back to the hotel on such a high

Last night we drank in the Sports bar
Then me, Kym and Nathe went to The Pavilion for some late nite shopping
I bought two polo’s from Ralph Lauren
Then we came back to the hotel for a drink with the other guys.
Then before midnight I was ready for bed.

Today, Monday - i got my shop on!
Oh man, I was a machine, I went to Sungei Wang plaza, exchanged some cashish and then hit the Clarks store for a pair of leather Wallabees.
Oh i almost forgot to tell you, yesterday I bought a cover for my phone to protect it, it has a picture of Domo Kun and I bought a small travel wallet which at a guess is fake Timberland.

Today we went to Lot 10 and I got to go to Isetan
At Isetan I bought some Issey Miyake EDT with a roll-on stick
Then I went to Fahrenheit 88 and bought a pair of New Balance kicks.
After that I went back to The Pav with Nathan and went to Brooks Brothers.
I bought a pair of chinos. I had wanted to do that for a while now J

This arvo I swam in the pool and had a cocktail
I drank a Singapore sling, wow-wee, very strong

Right now I'm sitting in the Club Lounge to knock out this email.
I’m surer there’s spelling errors galore but it's this stupid blue tooth keyboard
I gotta get back to my Gn’T
Talk soon.
Love,

BB

I go to stop writing and then I remind myself of some of today’s events and CC my Dad into the email.

P.S 
I forgot to mention that we ate at Lot 10 today for lunch, I ate a German dish, with cabbage chicken breast and mash potato and a Lowenbrau beer.
Last nite I had a Thai chicken and noodles.
These were from The Pav, incredible! Made fresh.

I'm still deciding what to have for dinner tonite
But first another GnT

It was so nice in the pool
I was thinking I might have a spa tonite

The Isetan grocery shop in Lot 10 is very cool, it provided us with dry ginger ale for my Canadian Club
I should go.

Laters.

I’m onto my second Gin and Tonic when Nathan and Kym get into it over Nathe’s new frames.
I’ve almost completely forgotten about it but Nathe reveals much in the retelling of the story about how the glasses we’re contoured for his face and instead the optometrist was just bending them to get the right fit. Which all that ending up doing was warping and obscuring the vision for Nathe.
 When Kym is up and looking at the canapés he whispers to me, “We had a full blown argument, it was hell”. He goes on to say that rather than Kym being objective and accepting Nathan’s position she was dismissive and disinterested in him getting a resolution, he suggests that at one point she was practically siding with the Optometrist.
Nathan says somewhat defeated, “I’ve got to go back there again tomorrow,” and as he says this Kym comes back catching the last part of the conversation, “Oh were you talking about what happened at the Optometrist” her tone is fairly deadpan and I watch Nathan just cringe. He gets up from the table and wanders over to make himself a drink, I watch Kym watching Nathan and I get a strong sense that she disapproves his drinking and his hissy fit earlier. 

I shake my head at the silliness to it all, the nuances and inner workings of relationships between two people that I may never properly understand. Eventually it comes time for Joggy and Soly to go off to meet James’s old pen pal. Jeff and Lively are disappointed as much as I am, it’s because Joggy and Soly are truly the life of the party, they know how to have fun and how to make it fun for everybody else.

Once they have gone the conversation swings back to what we want to eat and we’re clueless.
The decision of where to eat is on the table. Jeff suggests we eat downstairs at the international food buffet, and I score an easy 5 points for guessing that one. I suggest the Iranian restaurant down the street and even go so far as suggesting that we go The Pavilion food court for a little variety. Both suggestions are met with a scoff from Jeff, while Lively is on the other side of the coin and appears to be up for anything.

But it's Kym who surprises us all with a suggestion that we venture out and visit Changkat rd. which runs behind the hotel and investigate the various tapas bars and restaurants hidden there.
I reinforce the idea by retelling a story of when my bro-in-law John who got hammered drunk and went off in search of his roots, retracing his fond memories of his first visits to KL and how the bars and restaurants of this area of town are designed to accommodate the seasoned traveller. He took his friends who had never been to KL on his sentimental journey, guiding them through the back street playing the part of a narrator, he told me “A lot of ex pats and cool kids frequent these bars” then I finish his story by saying that it’s not gutter trash or the hoi polloi that will be dinning here either and that we should all feel pretty comfortable.

Nathan takes out his own ASUS Transformer tablet and launches Google maps, he studies the map and my brother in law’s voice echoes in my ears. “Come out the front of the hotel and take your first left”. And so it’s decided, we go to our rooms, drop off our tablets, phones and such, then rumble downstairs out the front doors of the hotel.

When we get to the first corner and the street sign is obscure and Nathan can’t tell if this is a service entrance to the hotel or a street. Nathan convinces us all that this isn’t the first left and that it must be the next corner. The next corner proves to be a lot further away than we are expecting, we walk past the golf store and the Marco Polo hotel and it’s then that I know we’ve missed our turn, when suddenly the heavens open and we’re caught in a down pour. It’s heavy thick wet drops of rain that hit us in sheets, in less than a minute we’re all soaked through to the bone. I’m raging at Nathan and I can’t keep a straight face because I’m laughing too hard, I try stopping at a bus shelter to take a break from it but there’s really no point in that, Nathan’s voice can be heard the entire time like a slave driver, “C’mon it’s not far now” and it isn’t, after a few minutes longer the rain begins to subside and we find ourselves walking the corner which takes us to the end of Changkat Rd. We follow this along for a way, our clothes beginning to dry off in the humidity. We don’t have to go far when Kym says “This is it”. I look up and don’t quite make out the words Bar 17, I mean at least I think that was the name, instead I half make out words that might fit the description, I say “Fuck it” yeah this must be the place, because right now after all the rain and the bullshit effort it took to get here, this is where we stop.

And for the record it very well might have been the place, at this point nobody in our merry crew cared, not even the staff were too bothered as we walked in looking like something the cat dragged in. Picture this three husky guys all coincidently wearing red shirts looking like they were in a wet t-shirt contest for the biggest tits, protecting a thin pretty looking girl and then this gassed out canary in yellow ready to drink his own body weight in sugar. The waiter hesitates for a moment and then looks at his colleague who is ushering us to a table in the back.

In the back, oh how I’ve been here before, but this is all there is left that will seat all five of us, plus the front of the restaurant is too wet, we look at each other and have a good laugh and we know that even if this isn’t the place, it’s perfect nonetheless.

We start by ordering a bucket of cheap beer, it’s a Thai beer called Changy, then out come the dinner menu’s and the prices are so cheap. A voice in my head echoes my Dad’s, “Order whatever you want, have fun”, it almost sounds like an order and I’m happy to oblige. I’m eager to try two different entrees and the green curry chicken as a main. Each of us orders a main and Jeff Lively and I order some entrees that can be shared with everyone. Jeff orders two entrees on the account that the serving of the Satay sticks he's ordered are too few and he wants everyone to be able to have at least two or more.

And that’s how things seem to fair over dinner, whatever is wanted is there to be had, no restrictions, no budget, tonight we dine like kings or maybe Viking conquers.
We demolish the entrees and finish the first bucket of beers in no time, we order another bucket of beer and I lose count of how many I’ve had after my third. The beer and the Gin and Tonic's I’ve consumed during sundowners are mixing together nicely. I go for a leak out the back, the red painted walls act as my guide to find my way back to the table. When I get back the gang are already tucking into their mains, what an interesting arrangement of food there is, it's not strictly Thai, more like a mash of Thai, Vietnamese and Cambodian, the golden triangle of delights.

During dinner we're all feeling so good we take a few happy snaps to commemorate this auspicious event. When it's time for dessert and coffee we pass, our clothes have almost dried and so we elect to leave hoping to find a coffee house on the journey home.

When we barrel out the restaurant and we’re all pretty liquored up, in the right way of course, happy, merry, not drunk, but all of us are in the mood for some fun. We’re feeling springy, feeling good, ready to start some mischief. We’re walking towards Bukit Bintang Rd and it’s slightly a block away, on our right - a side street with hawker foods and slightly seedier restaurants, but on Changkat Rd there’s more of the same restaurants, bars of varying quality. Kym notes that there’s even a few Tapas bars and that we should definitely come back and try these. Jeff also points out the various whiskey bars, where young Asian girls are standing out the front in pairs trying to entice us to come inside, I dunno where I get it from but I start saying to Nathan, “You wanna whisky?” and this continues as a taunt that lasts all night long. Jeff’s keen to kick back in one of these whisky bars and I know that he kept pace with me on the beers we drank at Bar 17, though now he looks really tired and ready to mellow out somewhere. Nathan on the other hand is cracked out on pixie juice, he’s saying to Lively, “how come there are no cats or dogs in this country”, when Lively points “Look over there – a cat”. Nathan goes berserk and begins to give chase down a dark alley, I’m not that far behind Nate, calling after him as he runs down an alley screaming back at me, “Did you see that? He had laser eyes, laser eyes!”

At this point we’ve turned off Changkat Rd into the hawker side street, Nate’s sayin’, “Where the fuck are we? still on Changkat?” and looking around at the hawker food carts, the outdoor plastic chairs, tables and umbrellas, and I say out loud, “More like fucking Geto Kat” and this is typical me, saying something so random and potentially wrong at the best possible time, it’s one of those comments that sticks like glue, words repeated throughout the night, “Changiest of Kats - Geto Kat” and “You wanna whiskey?”

We walk into a coffe shop hoping to get served and the staff are basically nowhere to be seen. As confirmation that this place sucks, we find a table with two leather faced dark tanned poms sitting at a table looking absolutely miserable, I jovially say to them, “Waiting for our coffees are we?” then walking away laughing my ass off with Nathan and Jeff.

We walk through a blue metal covered carpark and when we emerge on the other side we’re on the lower end of Bukit Bintang Rd and we know now that if we follow this back to the main intersection we’ll be just another short walk to the hotel.
I walk with Nathe most of the time, Lively and Jeff chaperoning Kym at different intervals, we come to a corner and there’s some remarkable graffiti, I stop and look at it and then search for my phone to take a picture. Nathe asks me about it, like why I think it’s good. I explain to him that here’s a guy who took five aerosol colours and made his name, ‘Neo’, stand out with style, colour graphics, 3-D and a fresh sense of proportion that is just all swagger. I tell him while pointing at the piece – “that’s what I think style is” but Nathan is clueless and asks “Style” and I explain, “Style is kinda like penmanship, it comes down to how well you craft your letters and they way they flow and flip each other off, supple fat edges that connect into each letter and arrows attacking with flair”
And I know he doesn’t truly understand what I’m rambling on about, he just smiles and says, “You really love this stuff, your passion for it ... it’s like you miss it, and the way you tell it..well, it makes me believe everything you just said” And what I don’t say that is absolutely true is that I really do miss it and it’s this sort of stuff that still makes my heart glow.

We catch up with the others and Nathan and Kym suggest grabbing a coffee before we turn in and I’m immediately receptive to the idea, a coffee will help me straighten up a little plus a cookie or muffin in my belly will soak up the booze, plus I won’t be left feeling crappy in the morning.
Then I look back at Jeff, his eyes are half shut but he’s still trailing us, still on his feet, relentless, I ask him if he’s okay and he tells me reassuringly, “Hey I’m up for whatever man, I’m fine” but in his eyes he looks half done, crazy tired and wishing that we would all just stop.

We’re walking past a series of massage parlours along the strip, at least six to a dozen girls all stand out front of each store hocking pamphlets in our general direction. We slow down our pace slightly, as we pass we talk rubbish with the girls and devilishly we’re hoping that they’re offering more than just a massage, but all the while knowing that it’s probably a tease just to get us in the door.
We’re almost out of the massage district and as we pass the hordes of girls to whom we’re never insulting, instead we just politely say No, and this negative vibe sort of filters down the sidewalk so that when we approach the next bunch of girls they’re sort of deflated, they look tired, they’re sure that we aren’t at all that interested in what they’re trying offering, but then for absolutely no reason at all I start shouting like a football fan, giving them a huge rev up, “Yeeeeaaaaahhh!” charging with my arms held high, “C’mon Girls liven up!!” and instinctively they all start jumping on the spot, screaming out “Yaaaaayy!” going nuts. It’s some funny shit and they all get a huge kick out of it, we’re all laughing, the whole sidewalk just opens up with cheers.

We’re two blocks away from the corner and the idea of stopping for that coffee sounds pretty good right now. We stop at a coffee store franchise called Papa Rich, it’s stealthy corporate silhouette reminds me of a vibrant Colonel Sanders who to me is the handsome southernly trustworthy gent and the purveyor of crack addictive chicken. I look at Kym and Nathe who are studying the menu board out front the coffee shop and say, ”Yeah? How about it” and they nod their heads in approval and we wait to get seated. And as best we try we come off looking weary, kinda haggard, and it appears as though they’re hesitant to seat us, but they eventually do, but have a guess where, in the back of course. We’re so close the kitchen I could spit and hit an apprentice chef.

We ‘re seated over by the wall, me Kym and Nathan sitting on the wall bench seat with Lively and Jeff on the chairs, Jeff is hunkered over the table like he’s ready to pass out, so I ask him, “You ok dude?” and he’s like, “Yeah i’m fine man, seriously”. We’re then served by this tiny asian lass who has chinese features and is about as tall as a match stick. We’re still slightly toasted and she knows it, she speaks no English so it’s a coin toss, Is she giving us shit or just laughing at us because she’s unusually happy. I think we all know the answer to this one. Anyway, she takes our orders, I go for a shaved ice coffee beverage that comes with a pumpkin muffin with ice cream. I can’t recall what the others ordered but I know that Kym ordered the same as me, so in no time at all out come the drinks, then the deserts and I’m expecting what’s in the photo only what I get is this muffin that’s the size of potato tot, it’s tiny, it’s a friggin mini muffin and the dollop of icecream is bigger than the muffin. This makes me and everyone at our table laugh, hey even Jeff laughs, plus our waitress, that little minx is laughing her ass off at the silly tourists. She’s making eye contact with me everytime she walks past and i’m guessing what she’s probably thinking, “look at the big fat stupid tourists yey!”

All in all it makes for few laughs after an already hectic but fun night wandering around the backstreets to the hotel. We leave the coffee shop close to 11pm and walk up the street to the main intersection of Bukit Bintang Rd. hang left and then walk a short distance towards the Hotel Istana. Along the way Nathe and I hang back and then go inside the local 7-11 to buy some snacks and beverages. We decide that given the amount of money that we are spending night to night downstairs in the lounge bar it makes more sense to have a few drinks in our rooms, I mean it's why I bought the bottle of Canadian Club in the first place.

Inside the 7-11 we scan the fridges and see some beers that we like and ponder over which ones we’ll buy, while we're making our minds up a pair of arse faced poms approach the fridges overhearing our accents, "Oh yeah Aussies eh?", I smile back and say all short n’ sweet "Yep", then the taller one snickers to his mate and says, "typical", and Nathe catches my reaction, the glib smile and all colour and expression drops from my face and is replaced by something that says - ready for war, in my mind I’m like ”What the fuck?”, then the two poms chuckle to themselves and slink away to the front counter, the comment leaves me rattled, What does typical mean? is he suggesting that we're all raised on beer or something, are people so stupid they’d believe that we, as Aussies, are the stereotype? And wait on, didn't these two old fucks just buy beer now, isn’t the pissed Englishman abroad a stereotype as well. Nathe is quick with his assessment, "Cunts", and this makes me laugh, and I say "Yeah, fuckheads" it's not as though I’m insulted but you gotta ask yourself -  Why act like a wanker to another race of people while on holiday? You’re a guest here, having the time of your life, relaxing, taking in the sights, can’t we all just get along for five seconds for fucks sake?

 We bag up around 8 beers of Carlsberg, pay, then continue the walk back to the hotel, we don’t realise it at first but Kym has been waiting for us the entire time, she shakes as though she has the chills and then says "Ew yuck, all these weirdos out the front" and I imagine that they've been having a perv on our dear Kym, after all she is rather fetching.

We walk up the block to the hotel passing stalls selling the same fake ass shit you see in China Town, it’s being sold by some really pushy Indians and it gets to the point where you need to ignore them completely because no matter how firm you are by saying No thanks, this is like a come on for them to push and harass.

As we’re approaching the hotel I look back and see that two of them have been following us, suss.

Once inside we find Jeff and Lively downstairs in the club lounge having a drink sitting fairly close to where we’ve been meeting up every morning only a little further down closer to the glass windows leading out to the back. And I like it, it’s cosier, there’s a three seater and a few single chairs and a low coffee table, plus it’s in pole position to listen to the house band.

Nathan goes upstairs with Kym and takes the beers up to his room, they say they’ll be back downstairs in a minute which is cool and that they want to kick on.
When I come to sit down with Jeff and Lively I can see Lively being served by the lovely Elis who lays out Live’s drink like it’s a tea ceremony. First she lays down a tumbler glass and adds a double hit of Jacks into the glass for him, then she adds three cubes of ice picked from a small silver bucket of ice with silver teethed tongs, and then she lets Lively pour his own lemonade to the portion amount he wants to mix with his bourbon, he gets to pour  the lemonade from a tiny glass jug, it’s so cute, and when he’s finished adding the amount of lemonade he wants Elis then she takes a plastic twizzler and mixes it up for him before laying in down onto a fresh paper coaster, Viola! It’s like a card trick and I love the skill of good service, without missing a beat Elis asks me what I want to drink and I say “I’ll have a Vodka tonic”, then Jeff says “I already ordered you a Carlsberg”, I smile at Jeff and say, “Thanks, the next one’s on me” and still order the Vodka tonic regardless.

The band must be in between sets, taking a break, or smoking a cigarettesomewhere. Then I say to Lively and Jeff, “When me and Nathe stopped all i could see was you two lummoxes shuffling back the hotel” and Jeff counters my comment by saying, “Yeah I think at that point all we wanted to do was to sit down” And I get it, as i’m kinda tired too. I tell them the story about how I think we were being followed by two Indians. Then I purposely bait Lively into demonstrating his cultural sensitivities, which he says in defence that he’s merely  - culturally challenged.  Anyway Lively comments on the Indian hawkers, “Fuck man I was ready to swing” and this gets him all worked up as he tells it. Jeff is kicking back with a bourbon and coke and looks slightly more content than he was an hour earlier.

When Nathe comes downstairs Kym is not with him and he’s kinda antsy. Jeff asks, “She ok or is she harkin’ ya?” Nathe just smiles, covering up whatevers really going on bwtween them by saying, “Ah well”. Meanwhile Elis brings my drink over and asks did I want a double shot of Absolute vodka and I say, “Sure” like what the hell right. I ask Nathe if he wants a drink and he’s squirming ready to resist and I ask Elis will she get him one of the same.

By the time Nathe’s drink come out the hotel band starts to play the second half of their show.
The band plays a few show tunes from movies like Cabaret that allow the brass section to really liven up with some Jazzy numbers and then they switch to their usual repertoire of songs from the 80’s.  We sit there in grooving along to the beat and I’m sort of shit faced at this point, nothing can take this stupid smile off my face, we drink a few rounds of vodka tonics and Lively and Jeff stick to their bourbons. The night has been good to us and we laugh and joke about Nathe chasing the cat, which we name Tron cat, with his laser eyes, on Geto Kat Road. The hotel lounge bar Manager comes over and chats with us, she tells Jeff and I that she remembers us two from this time last year, we notice how the girls still wear red silk Sari’s but now she wears a business outfit, sports coat and mini skirt both coloured in dark navy blue, black high heels and pantyhose. Jeff talks to her about it and he retells it for me once she moves on, “She has to wear that stuff now, all the managers have to dress formally”

We talk about getting a cigar from the humidor and smoking it here but we don’t. We drink long into the night making it all the way into the last set of the band, when they sing “Break Out” by ‘Swing Out Sister’ I nearly lose my shit. When the band singer is finished I have all the lads stand up and clap, I’m so pleased. The lead singer, who is a slightly older woman, then asks us where we are from and we tell her Australia. She asks us which city we come from and one at a time we name our hometown’s and she can’t believe it when she realises that we’re not from just one city and that we’re from all over Australia and what’s the most amazing thing is that we all came here together.
And she claps in appreciation of our company and from this night onwards she refers to us all as her “Australian friends”. I can’t help but smile as she says this, yes it’s true that we came from all over the country to be here together, all members of our happy clan, just wanting to be able to hang out and drink, shop and eat together for a week, and to me it’s the greatest thing that I could have ever hoped for.

The night roars on with music and more drinking, there’s more jokes and laughter and it blurs in my memory how it ended. I really don’t know how I made it back to my room or what I did to get there, all I can remember is sitting there in the lounge bar with Jeff, Nathe and Lively singing along to old songs from my youth and giggling my ass off with the dearest of mates.